The most humorous British Prime Minister - Winston Churchill

1) One day, Churchill was in a hurry to get to the House for a meeting, and he ordered a rental car.

When the car arrived at its destination, Churchill got out of the car and said to the driver, "I'm going to be delayed here for about an hour, just wait for me." ”

"No," the driver replied firmly, "I'm going to rush home so I can listen to Churchill's speech on the radio." ”

When the prime minister heard this, he could not help but be greatly surprised, so he not only paid the fare according to the price, but also rewarded the driver with a considerable tip.

The driver looked at the unexpected income and quickly changed his mind.

He said to Churchill, "I thought about it for a moment, and I'd better wait here to see you back." What the fuck Churchill!"

2) Churchill had a habit of climbing into the steaming bathtub to take a bath whenever he stopped working, and then pacing back and forth in the bath naked.

During World War II, Churchill came to the White House and asked the United States for military assistance.

While he was pacing naked in the bathroom of the White House, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Come in, come in. He shouted.

As soon as the door opened, Roosevelt appeared at the door. When he saw Churchill ***, he turned around and wanted to quit.

"Come in, Mr. President," cried Churchill with his arms outstretched, "there is nothing that the Prime Minister of Great Britain has to hide from the President of the United States. ”

The two burst into laughter.

Britain received full-fledged military assistance from the United States.

3) Once, Churchill's political opponent, Mrs. Astor, said to him: "If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee." ”

Churchill smiled and said, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink that cup of coffee." ”

4) At a tea party on Churchill's 75th birthday, a young journalist said to Churchill: "I wish I could come back next year to congratulate you on your birthday." ”

Churchill patted the young man on the shoulder and said, "I see that you are so strong, there should be no problem." ”

5) During World War II, Churchill had outstanding merits for defending Britain. When he abdicated after the war, the British Parliament proposed to pass a proposal to create a bronze statue of Churchill and place it in a park for everyone to admire.

Churchill refused: "Thank you for your kindness, I'm afraid birds like to on my bronze statue, so please excuse me!"

6) Churchill had a beloved curly dog named Rufus.

One night, the movie "Orphan of the Fog" was screened in the prime minister's country house. Rufus, as in old days, occupies a best position on the knees of its owner.

When the film shows Sykes trying to drown his dog in order to escape from the police, Churchill covers Rufus's eyes with his hands and says to him, "Don't watch it now, dear, and I'll tell you what happened later." ”

7) Churchill became Prime Minister of Britain during the Second World War, and because of his strong resistance to fascism and his active cooperation with the Soviet Union and the United States, he greatly hastened the collapse of fascism and bought time for peace.

However, shortly after the end of the war, Churchill lost the 1945 British general election.

To appease the former prime minister, the Queen of England decided to award him a Bath Medal.

Churchill said with great emotion: "When the voters have dismissed me, how will I have the honour to accept this medal that His Majesty has given me?"

8) During the German occupation of the Netherlands in World War II, the Dutch exile *** set up a headquarters in the United States. Prime Minister Dirk Gill, who spoke little English, reached out to Churchill for the first time and said "goodbye" to his British allies as soon as they met.

"Sir," Churchill replied, "I want all political meetings to be as brief as this. ”

9) One day, Churchill was asked what it takes to be a politician.

Churchill replied: "A statesman should be able to predict things that will happen tomorrow, next month, the year after and beyond." ”

The man then asked, "What if the prophecy is not fulfilled by then?"

Churchill said, "Then we have to find another reason." ”

10) During World War II, Lord Mancroft served in the British War Office.

Whenever Churchill went out on his tour, Mancroft would go to the Prime Minister's Office and mark the operational situation in the near future on a large map specially designed by Churchill

When Churchill returned, he looked at the map and saw the situation at a glance. One day, as is customary, Mancroft placed the map on the floor of the cabinet room and marked it with colored chalk. He rested his hat facing the sky.

At this time, Churchill returned. He saw someone lying on the ground, engrossed in marking the map, and beside him a hat with a face facing the sky, so he silently took out two pennies and threw them into Mancroft's hat.

11) On the eve of the Battle of El Alamein, Churchill summoned his right-hand man, General Montgomery. During the conversation, Churchill suggested that he should study logic.

Montgomery feared that he would get bogged down in a tangled logic, so he made an excuse to prevaricate. He said to Churchill: "Mr. Prime Minister, you know, there is a proverb that 'understanding and intimacy produce lightness.'" Perhaps, the more I study logic, the more I despise it. ”

Churchill removed his pipe: "But let me warn you that nothing will come out without a certain degree of understanding and intimacy." ”

12) Once, a charming young woman said to Churchill: "Mr. Churchill, there are two things about you that I don't like. ”

"Which two?"

"The new policy you enforce and the beard on your mouth. ”

"Well, really, ma'am," replied Churchill politely, "but don't worry, you don't have a chance to touch any of them. ”

13) During Churchill's visit to the United States, President Roosevelt invited him to live in the White House and stay in Lincoln's bedroom.

Roosevelt said, "It's a historic thing, and later you can say that you slept in Lincoln's bed." ”

Half an hour after going to bed, the White House butler was surprised to find that Churchill, dressed in an old-fashioned pajamas, carrying a suitcase, tiptoeing, had slipped out of Lincoln's bedroom like a thief. Afterwards, Churchill muttered to the butler, "To hell with a historic bed." Churchill could not spend the night in an uncomfortable bed. ”

14) At a banquet, Mr. Churchill and his wife sat facing each other. One of Churchill's hands moved back and forth on the table, two fingers bent in the direction of his wife.

Curious about this, they asked Mrs. Churchill, "Why is your husband looking at you so thoughtfully, and what does he mean by bending his fingers and moving back and forth?"

"It's simple," replied Mrs. Churchill, "we had a little argument before we left home, and now he is admitting that it was his fault, and the two crooked fingers show that he is kneeling and apologizing to me!"

15) As a young man, Churchill was captured as a war correspondent, and later he fled.

The Hillers offered a 25-pound bounty for his capture. A few years later, Churchill hung up a sign in his study with a frame, and said to visitors, "This is the full price of me? 25 pounds?"

16) Churchill agreed with American Pictures to make a film about his life. The film features footage of Churchill at the age of 65 and 86, a role played by a film actor named Charles Lofoton.

When Churchill learned that Rover would receive a considerable sum of money for playing this role, he claimed: "First, this actor is too fat, and second, he is too young." Rather than letting him play it for a lot of money, it would be better for me to play it myself. This money should be earned by me. ”

17) After the British general election in July 1945, Prime Minister Winston Churchill stepped down. Sir Richard Pym went to visit Churchill and told him the results of the election.

Churchill was lying in the bathtub at the time.

When Sir Richard told him the bad news, Churchill said, "They have every right to remove me from office." That's democracy! That's what we've been fighting for! Now I'm sorry for you to hand me the towel. ”

Norman McGowan, who had become Prime Minister Churchill's valet, was astonished to find his master making an impassioned speech in the bath.

"Are you telling me?" McGowan asked aloud.

"No, thank you, Norman," replied Churchill, "I am speaking to the members of the House of Commons." ”

18) During one of his visits to the United States, Churchill was invited to dine at a simple restaurant serving cold roast chicken. While taking the second roast chicken, Churchill politely said to the hostess, "May I have some meat for the chicken breast?"

"Mr. Churchill," the hostess told him tenderly, "we do not speak of breast, but are accustomed to call it white meat, and the meat of the chicken thighs that is not burned white is called black meat." ”

Although Churchill thought she was chewing on words, he apologized for his inappropriate words.

The next day, the hostess received a beautiful orchid sent by Churchill, with a card beside it that read: "It would be a great honour for me if you would pin it to your 'white flesh' - Churchill." ”

19) In order to celebrate the performance of his new play, George Bernard Shaw sent a telegram inviting Churchill to watch the play: "I have reserved a number of tickets for your Excellency today, please come and give advice." And welcome you to bring your friends, if you still have friends. ”

Churchill immediately replied: "I am unable to attend the first performance for some reason, and I plan to attend the second performance. If your script can be performed twice. ”

20) Once in Parliament, a member of parliament was speaking when he saw Churchill in his seat shaking his head in disagreement.

The parliamentarian said: "I remind you that I am just expressing my opinion. ”

At this point Churchill stood up and said, "I also remind Mr. Auditor that I am just shaking my own head." ”

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21) Once, an Englishwoman stopped Churchill and asked, "Mr. Churchill, don't you get excited when you know that every time you give a speech, the hall is always packed?"

Churchill laughed: "I am complimented, but whenever I feel this way, I always keep in mind one thing: if I had been hanged instead of giving a speech, I am afraid that the audience would have doubled." ”

22) When Churchill was young, his academic performance was poor. After becoming Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, he once returned to his alma mater, and the principal and teachers respectfully reported to him about the school.

But he was not interested in these situations, and said, "I want to meet the child who has the worst academic performance in school." ”

After the child was brought in, Churchill patted him on the shoulder and said to him affectionately: "I am very grateful to you, because it is you who have firmly held my place." ”

23) After the Second World War, Churchill met Tito and exclaimed to him: "You know, during the war, I didn't like you very much. But now, because of the position you have taken, I like you more. ”

Tito smiled and said, "I don't live for your liking. ”

24) Churchill's career was not without its challenges, especially in 1922, when he was unable to give the speech he was good at because of an appendectomy, and he lost the election.

"In the blink of an eye," he said, "I found myself out of office, out of my party, out of my seat, and even out of my appendix. His friends were still in a dull mood, but when he said this, they were all relaxed.